mand28

I have lost 55lbs but now I find myself rewarding myself. Good job go out and party, good job go to lunch with your friends, good job spend money….what the heck? I am 5lbs from my halfway goal. I need to get back on track if is just so hard to find the energy! It’s like when you overexert yourself at the beginning at spin class and have nothing left at the end. Then you think I have worked out so much this week I can have ice cream. How did I get so far off track? Geez…hopefully it will all work out…anyone else been in this place?

So I maintained in July really, there is a lot going on in my life right now and I just wasn’t able to give it my all. Hopefully August will be different, I have been doing spin classes this month and jogged outside last night so it’s off to an ok start. I just need to get my eating under control again. It usually follows shortly after the exercise starts because then I start thinking was that cookie really worth this hour of spin! lol I am in new jeans and people have began to say encouraging things to me, but I have to keep going and not get too comfortable or satisfied with myself. I’m still a big girl and I need to remember that lol, I know how could I forget? Good luck!

So what do you do when your all grown up and have your own life, but your parents are having marital problems? I feel like I’m 14 all over again! It is really stressing me out! How can I think about myself and exercise with this mess going on? Plus they are both telling me things not to tell each other. I am the oldest child and somehow I have to do what I can to fix this! My mom cheated on my dad 10 years ago and it was an awful year, but somehow they pushed passed it and were even better after than before. Now all the signs are there again and I don’t want it to be true! I have had a wonderful upbringing but this will really ruin everything! My dad is so sweet and awesome, I don’t understand the selfishness it would take to destroy your family and life you created! For what?! To feel desired and pretty? She literally gets hit on everyday! She definitely feels desired! My dad is amazing…if I name all the things he does for her and all of us you would be blown away! If this is in fact what is happening again I can assure you that it will destroy the relationship I have with her, I literally feel like my Mom is leaving me. If there were 2 sides to this story I would have looked at both but there really really isn’t. Cowards cheat. My dad’s father just died. Good timing Mom.  So I’m going to put a tracker on her car to confirm it before she makes him leave his house yet again. I will not stand for it. My little sister was too young to remember everything last time which is good but unfortunately she is older now and will never forget. If you pray, pray please. Advice?

It’s so nice to have my clothes fitting more loosely! I can absolutely tell a difference! I am getting stronger and have built up a pretty good endurance level. I did the 30 day shred last night and I remember 35lbs ago how hard it was for me! But last night wasn’t nearly as challenging! It really feels good to be able to run to my work building and fly up the stairs without being embarrassingly out of breath! I cannot wait to be a runner, I’m just a little scared about living up to my own standards so I haven’t attempted it yet! I just thought I would get 50lbs off and then start running. I don’t want to hurt anything so Im being cautious! I really believe I can go all the way now and get to where I want and deserve to be! I cannot wait to get it off me! It was so hard to start! But once you get over that hump that makes your new lifestyle a habit it gets so much better! Good luck!

Well I got a little off track over memorial day, little too much alcohol but I’m human! The point is that I didn’t even skip a beat when the week started! Back working towards my birthday goal of 50lbs! I will definitely achieve it the way things are going! I will be needing gift cards for shopping! Bc all my clothes are huge! I just keep wishing I had taken care of it sooner and not given up so much of my youth to obesity! Better late then never I suppose! I will have to put a pic up soon so you can see if it’s making a difference bc nobody can tell or has not said anything, which is fine bc I am doing this for myself!

Well I did my hour of cardio last night! However it is starting to feel like not enough! I am not nearly as worn out after or during! Plus I’ve gained 4lbs this week I don’t know what’s going on? And to top it off my hip has started hurting! I hate working out but for my body type that is what has to happen! I don’t know how those people on biggest loser consistantly drop weight, because your body gets used to the endurance I guess you just have to keep pushing yourself! I can do this! Come on hip!

Well I didn’t have it in me last night to do the cardio, I watched the grays anatomy finale instead. I fell pretty crappy today an I had a bigger dinner and bigger lunch than I normally would. All healthy food just too much of it! This losing weight crap is hard! I will just keep fighting the good fight! Hopefully this weekend I will keep my self control even at the lake!

Yes I know that is not a safe amount to loose in a week but I have been at the same weight for a while and it is time for me to lose it this week! I want to lose 50lbs by my bday at the end of June!I’ve lost 27 so far and I think it’s doable! I will work my A off! I’m at the point where when I have something in my stomach I feel gross maybe because that is the feeling that got me here! I am ready for it to all be gone!

Weekend went well health wise…I am definitely over that hump of falling back into my old habbits. I’ve formed new habits for my routines now. On another note, you know those people that you need to cut out of your life? Friends that are just exhausting to be around. Well I had to be around one of those this weekend because our mutual friend is on leave. I’ll admit it was nice to be around him again but the last time I was around him was when he had one of his freakouts on me and something just snapped inside of me. I was done with it all and had nothing left. I have never felt that for anyone before but being around him just this short amount of time really reminded me why I stopped being around him. He ended up staying the night the first night because he lives kind of far out and we talked about how it was the right decision for us not to be friends anymore and then 3 hours later he woke up and wanted to bone? Tell me how that makes any sense at all? A little background we were in relationship a long time ago and have always had sex since then, but right now he is seeing 3 women! He always makes references to fat girls being gross blah blah..and doesn’t understand why I get upset he’s not directing it towards me…Hello I am a “fat girl” you A hole! No I will not have sex with you because I know how disgusting you find me and I am just the girl that is here. I swear sometimes I think I should just go without men period. The boys this weekend were talking about how when their woman starts to get older they will just trade her in for a younger model. Wtf! Clearly the “boys” are not men yet. Anyways just needed to vent and say I didn’t give in to his perfect looks and sexiness. I resisted and I’ll be better for it I’m sure. I think after our friend leaves that will be it. 9 years wasted. Nice. Guess I learned some stuff…not totally sure it was all worth it.

Weekend went well health wise…I am definitely over that hump of falling back into my old habbits. I’ve formed new habits for my routines now. On another note, you know those people that you need to cut out of your life? Friends that are just exhausting to be around. Well I had to be around one of those this weekend because our mutual friend is on leave. I’ll admit it was nice to be around him again but the last time I was around him was when he had one of his freakouts on me and something just snapped inside of me. I was done with it all and had nothing left. I have never felt that for anyone before but being around him just this short amount of time really reminded me why I stopped being around him. He ended up staying the night the first night because he lives kind of far out and we talked about how it was the right decision for us not to be friends anymore and then 3 hours later he woke up and wanted to bone? Tell me how that makes any sense at all? A little background we were in relationship a long time ago and have always had sex since then, but right now he is seeing 3 women! He always makes references to fat girls being gross blah blah..and doesn’t understand why I get upset he’s not directing it towards me…Hello I am a “fat girl” you A hole! No I will not have sex with you because I know how disgusting you find me and I am just the girl that is here. I swear sometimes I think I should just go without men period. The boys this weekend were talking about how when their woman starts to get older they will just trade her in for a younger model. Wtf! Clearly the “boys” are not men yet. Anyways just needed to vent and say I didn’t give in to his perfect looks and sexiness. I resisted and I’ll be better for it I’m sure. I think after our friend leaves that will be it. 9 years wasted. Nice. Guess I learned some stuff…not totally sure it was all worth it.